Time is stretched it seems in moments of intense focus and passion, and so I cannot recall if it was a minutes, seconds or milliseconds, before the self-doubt set in. Glancing at the dead creature while I was still at the helm, I wondered whether I had jumped to the wrong conclusion and devised the wrong narrative.
I recalled how determined it was to catch up to Wahine, and wondered whether it was dazed because it has actually crashed landed on the cockpit floor, the result of suddenly speeding up once out of the head wind and in the draft of Wahine, and then struggling to its feet the moment my foot came down. Could it be the poor little creature had simply found itself too far off-shore with the head wind, was simply exhausted and wanted to hitch a ride to shore?
Of course, I will never know. I am no expert and have no idea whether hornets, bees, and wasps get tired of flying and need to rest!
All I know is that life is full of "jack in the box" experiences, when you are going through known behaviors and repetitive tasks, turning the handle of daily life when suddenly something springs up and surprises you. The surprise can be good or bad, but it demands of your instant judgement to accept, embrace or reject and condemn. And there is no time to consult others. Decisions are made instantly. And philosophically we have to choose in that moment: grace or judgement; mercy or anger; or even comedy or tragedy.
One thing for sure, when I cross the Pacific solo, I will have plenty of time to ponder these profound themes. Hmmmm .. I wonder what I may learn . . and more importantly, what surprises the journey will bring, particularly that no amount of training has prepared me for.